Today I feel awkward and nerdy and frustrated.
Let me be clear that the girl in these pictures is NOT me, but actually a portrait client named Cori. And she is not nerdy at all…she is actually super cool. Only a super cool person would be willing to act nerdy on camera, which she has graciously done here (thanks Cori!).
The social network driven world we live in pressures us to be cool, successful and perfect. We want to look good, we want to look busy with our business even when we are struggling to find work. We don’t feel comfortable to be vulnerable or honest. I’m NOT advocating that you spew emotions on Facebook or take your sacred story and share it just anyone, because none of that is safe. Boundaries are really important when you share. I do think, however, when we wear a mask all day long, every day…life starts to feel…fake.
I hate fake.
So let’s get real for a moment. Here are the top 5 ridiculous things I did this month:
JENNI’S TOP FIVE RIDICULOUS THINGS
- The other day I had a pen in my hair because I often use pens to make buns when I can’t find a hair band. So when my husband needed a pen, I pulled it out of my hair and said “here.” When I did I noticed my hand was covered in blue ink. The pen had exploded on my head without me realizing it, and my scalp was so blue, my husband had to help me wash it out. For 3 more days my hands were blue when I touched my head no matter how many washes. The worst part is, I had met up with people and had meetings that day, with my hair twisted up in that pen…with blue ink all over my head.
- This morning I dropped my Corgi off at the dog boarder, and as I was leaving I said “hopefully Walter doesn’t sprout wings and fly away, he’s so sneaky”. The woman behind the desk looked horrified and said, “Oh! Don’t say such things!” I realized I had made it sound like I was worried my Corgi would “die” in their care — sprout wings like an angel and fly away. Of course this isn’t what I meant…I was just imagining my corgi getting bored at the dog place and growing wings to escape because I have a really weird mind and I like to imagine animals with body parts they don’t really have. AND my dog is so awesome he probably knows how to do that, grow wings. Any attempt of explaining this just further horrified the receptionist.
- A couple weekends ago during the very portrait shoot featured in this post, I stood up on my photographer’s stool (since my client was tall)…and it shattered. That’s right, the stool shattered. When I stepped on it… it violently blew apart, like it was made of glass. As we all know, it is every woman’s worst nightmare to sit or stand on something and have it break, especially in front of somebody. I was mortified (but it’s pretty funny).
- I bought a beautiful pair of earrings and accidentally threw them away. I realized it too late and they are gone. I’m really sad, but the Gnomes who live in the trash will be really happy.
- After FINALLY gearing up the mental energy to go work out in my garage, I ran out there all pumped up, and promptly tripped on a loose free weight that was on the ground and broke my toe…or if it’s not broken it sure is black and swollen and un-moveable. I was shoeless because I was looking for shoes to work out in. A successful first work out for sure.
I am what is called a “Fine Art Photographer”, which is a fancy way of saying that I shoot weddings in a style that focuses on classy “artistic” story telling… that has a certain editorial look to it paired with the authentic moments. This world, Fine Art Photography, is very high end and can be very intimidating. If you have ever visited the blog “Style Me Pretty” — you know what I mean. Everything is beautiful, bright, perfect, and pretty.
The very nature of my industry makes me feel so dorky! Even as I write this post, the floors of my living room are covered in dog hair…which is why you’ll only ever see me post pictures from my white walled garage or outdoors. Real life is messy. Real life means I have a blue scalp and my photographer stool breaks because I’ve put on 15lbs in a couple short months. All these things can make you want to pull your hair out and just scream!
For all the days of mismatched socks, blue scalps, horrified receptionists, clients who seem too cool for you, weight gain, too much dog hair…there is worth in this. Listen Folks, all the beautiful Instagram accounts you look at? It’s all farce. Even mine is. Yes I took the pictures. Yes I styled my lunch. Because I love Instagram…but you should see my laundry room. It’s a nightmare.
So for today…I wanted you to know : You don’t have to be perfect.
I’m giving myself permission not to be either. You are enough, right where you are, blue scalp and all (if you run into pen problems like I do).
Happy Friday 🙂